boo spring break is over.
i'm tired as hell and it's only 11:30.
i failed two of my midterms, and don't know the grade i got on my archeology midterm.
life suckssssssss.

my professor is ok, thank god.

but i'm feeling really shitty about myself. idk, i haven't been making very many friends outside of band, and i feel like i'm severely out of the loop with my friends in the section because i have never made block. and it's true. i barely talk to any of them outside of band, save a few other freshman.
but everyone else is fitting in and has inside jokes and stuff to talk about, while i'm left on the reserve field.

it's just not fair. i feel like i don't deserve to have any friends. :((

today started off wonderfully.
got to sleep in, my dad came, we took care of my tuition fees, had lunch together and explored ann arbor a bit.
he dropped me off at linguistics and it looked like it was going to be a good day of class.
i sat in the front row today.
about an hour into the class our prof starts acting strange. he's been trying to think of how to say something for five minutes now.
all of a sudden he walks over to the podium and collapses, right in front of me.
he starts convulsing on the floor, turning purplish and pink and unnatural.
a bloody froth is coming out of his mouth.
he's still shaking.
i'm on the phone with 911.
"calm down, i can't understand you"
"we're in the dennison building. yes, the u of m dennison building! (what other dennison would i be at?)"
ems arrives and there are only a handful of us still standing around, helpless and probably underfoot.

they took him to the hospital and i don't know if he's all right.
i just really hope he's ok.

i fail at adjusting.
i fail at socializing.
i fail at being friends with the people who are supposed to be like built in friends.
i fail at marching band.
i fail at being prepared.
i fail at everything and i just want to go home.

what a shitty birthday.

Today's my first day of classes at U of M.
I've been here for about two weeks already because of marching band, though.
I don't really like band that much. I haven't made either of the shows and I've been doing fundamentals for going on three weeks. And the football game wasn't that much fun, we had to stand the whole time and that's all I could think about, plus we lost.
I've got linguistics today from 1 to 2:30, then band at 4:15. Almost a 2 hour break seems like a lot, but it's not enough time to make it worth going back to my dorm or actually doing anything, since it's a 20 minute walk to the band hall.
I'm not really looking forward to school as much as I thought I would.
I like structure as much as anyone else, but I want my free time too.
I hate not having a car and living on The Hill, it's so far away from everything.



Maybe things will get better now that we've only got rehearsals for an hourish a day though.
Doing marching band is looking like a mistake so far. =/

WHOA CHEKKIT PLZ

maybe i'll start actually you know...keeping a journal on livejournal.
who knows.

college starts soon.
i'm really nervous/scared/excited.
i find out august 1st if i made marching band.

i saw the dark knight last night, it was just as amazing as everyone says it was,
but i wonder if that would still be the case if ledgey was still kickin, you know?

anyway. i'm watching titanic and i should clean my room.

Warmachineofdeathsupernovabitch. Mmmm.
Peepz overreact, I'm over it.

i need a new job so badly.
i have to pay car insurance, i owe my grandma for lending me 300, now i owe my aunt 110 for a stupid dermatologist appt, ugh the list just goes on and on.
my dad got his ss check the other day, he gets one for himself and a 600 dollar one for me, and after giving my grandma the money she gets for taking care of me, paying our stupid phone bill, and giving my aunt money for the dermatologist, i have like 50 dollars to last me until the end of august.
fuck.
someone get me a job, please?